Kyle Pruett, MD and Marsha Kline Pruett, PhD: Keeping their own relationship in suffcient repair to
cope with the sacrifices they will be making for theirkid's wellbeing for the long haul of child -rearing.
cope with the sacrifices they will be making for theirkid's wellbeing for the long haul of child -rearing.
Commitment: What are ten things parents can do to enjoy a strong and successful
co-parenting alliance?
Dr. Pruett and Dr. Pruett:
1) Be prepared for the inevitable dip in marital satisfaction.
2) When you've got a complaint about your partner's management of
the kids, sleep on it, and pick a moment when you can finish the conversation.
3) Start any conversations about different opinions with "I...", not 'you...".
4) Regularly date your spouse5) Get enough sleep6) Keep your partner's strengths in the forefront of your mind
7) Make every effort to avoid sarcasm or personal attack when you are mad or hurt about your partner's co-parenting behavior
8) Protect 15 mins of 'veg out' time for each other every day
9) Make each other laugh regularly
10) Insure that your first impulse is always to support your spouse when they are going at it with your kids - if you really disagree, take it up later.
Commitment: What challenges do mothers and fathers face in raising children that
stem from their gender differences?
Dr. Pruett and Dr. Pruett: Gender differences are probably less important than personality differences in shaping our parenting behavior.
Commitment: How can couples better understand one another so that their gender differences do not prevent them from giving their children what they need?
Dr. Pruett and Dr. Pruett: Gender itself is not a barrier; stereotypicgender-related socio-cultural expectations, such as fathers don't do diapers,mothers don't rough house, are more of the problem in limiting parent's
repetoiore of child-involvement behaviors.
Commitment: What advantages do these gender differences give the children?
Dr. Pruett and Dr. Pruett: When both parents are emotionally engaged withtheir children, kids have a stronger self-image, more problem-solving skills,
do better in school, and handle life's troubles more competently.
Commitment: When parents first take their baby home from the hospital, what
challenges do they face in forming a successful parenting partnership?
Dr. Pruett and Dr. Pruett: Not letting the baby's care and needs completely eclipse the existing marital relationship.
Commitment: What will enable parents to successfully cope with this stage of care taking?
Dr. Pruett and Dr. Pruett: Talk early and often with each other about your ideas about parenting, and what your dreams are for how your child's expereince will be different from-or benefit from- your own childhood experience.
Commitment: How can parents help one another feel supported in taking care of the
children, rather than feeling like they are coping with parenting all
alone?
Dr. Pruett and Dr. Pruett: Check in with each other every morning about how you plan to care TOGETHER for this child today - not simply talking logistics, but actually
discussing feedings, bathings, walkings, etc.
Commitment: What are some communication techniques that will help parents
develop a strong co-parenting alliance?
Dr. Pruett and Dr. Pruett: Listening twice as often to your partner twice as often as you talk at them.
Commitment: How can mothers better value and encourage their husband's
contribution to parenting?
Dr. Pruett and Dr. Pruett: Avoid gatekeeping - controlling his relationship with the children according to your expectations of what is the 'right [i.e.your] way to parent'. Honor his unique conribution to your children's life.
Commitment: How can husbands better value and encourage their wife's
contribution to parenting?
Dr. Pruett and Dr. Pruett: The reverse is a more common problem, but tag
teaming [supporting each other's contributions] can always be strengthened
Commitment: How can parents work together to promote their child's emotional
development?
Dr. Pruett and Dr. Pruett: Not undermine the other parent's interventions when the child is
having strong feelings or misbehaving.
Commitment: How can parents work together to promote their child's emotional and
physical safety?
Dr. Pruett and Dr. Pruett: In the book, we take on the father's and the mother's offering differing attitudes about discipline, education, independence, spoiling and many other importing child-rearing challenges. What runs through all of our advice is the great power of ongoing and open communication. are some issues that should be discussed and decided upon? What common problems do fathers and mothers face in agreeing upon safety issues? Mothers tend to keep their children on a shorter tether, especially when they are away from home, whereas fathers are more likely to encourage a longer tether to support more learning about adventure and novel encounters. They tend to feel that the latter are important practice
for managing themselves in the 'real world'.
Commitment: When it comes to education, what are some things parents can do to
ensure that their home is a place of learning and creative growth?
Dr. Pruett and Dr. Pruett: Mothers and fathers BOTH need to be reading to their children from the time they can sit up. Many men simply leave these areas around education and language to their wives. This confuses the children who assume that dad is a teacher, too!
Commitment: What tips do you have for parents who are divorced, but still both
love their children and want a role in raising them?
Dr. Pruett and Dr. Pruett: Co-parenting as a concept has it's roots in post-divorce parenting. This book brings the lessons learned into the marriage before trouble starts. Still, divorced parenting can benefit from the tag-team lessons taught in this book. CHildren need to be in loving relationships to thrive, and successful
coparenting shifts the odds in their behavior whether the parents are married
or not.
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